Whilst the whole area was once heavily forested, and infested with primates of every variety, the seismic activity that formed the Rift Valley also affected the climate so that West of the Rift stayed tropical and heavily forested, and East became less forested and more savanna.

As the trees became less dense, the primates in the East took to the floor, learned to walk, communicate and use tools.

Those to the West stayed in the trees, developed no skills and eventually became Portsmouth supporters.

However, enough of this anthropological lesson, we have a journey to report.

We had heard in Jinja of a tribe of pygmies living in the North Western part of Uganda right on the Congolese border, and we determined to brave the crap roads, and try to pay them a visit and at the same time visit one of the most famous National Parks in the area, the Queen Elizabeth National Park. For us the great advantage of the park is that you camp unfenced within the park itself. The nighttimes are full of strange sounds and eerie reflections of unseen eyes when you shine your torch into the bush.

Anyway to get there involved a pretty long trip South West of Kampala, and we overnighted at Mbarara, and then at Fort Portal.

The road to the pygmies was 60k of the usual rubbish, and we knew it would take  at least 3 hours, along the very picturesque Semliki Valley. All the time we were looking over tropical rainforest of the Congo, and then suddenly we dropped down into it. It suddenly became very humid, and rained incessantly. But still we ploughed on in search of the Facawis.

When we eventually found them we both agreed that it was the single most disappointing event of our trip so far. Yes they were pygmies ok, but we thought that they would be living in their natural environment like the Maasai we had seen, using traditional methods like hunting with blowpipes etc.

It was none of this. First the pygmies, called the Batwas,  lived like squatters in a slum area on the edge of a normal Ugandan village. The normal villagers treated them like pariahs, and with total disdain. It seemed more like a ghetto than a village, and the Batwas had responded in exactly the wrong way. OK they have had it tough and were even evicted from their traditional lands so that the mountain gorillas could have peace and quiet. That must have been pretty degrading to their self esteem.

But they are now a bunch of undignified, aggressive yobs who simply want as much money from tourists with as little effort as possible. Their souvenirs could have been made by a 4 year old kid, and one guy tried to sell me a bow and arrow (with poison tip of course) which looked as though it had come from a child’s Christmas stocking.

We lasted about 20 minutes before calling it a day, and adjourning back to our camp site in the middle of the rain forest. The day was made complete as we were attacked by what looked like fire ants and certainly stung like them. They bit through trousers socks and shirts, and once their pincers were in you had to decapitate them to get them to let go. Janet escaped more lightly than I and for 2 days afterwards it felt as though I was being pricked with a red hot needle.

The one saving grace was the magical show from thousands of fire flies. We sat intrigued watching the wonderful light show they put on. Hence the reason we were sitting outside for so long.

So the Semliki Valley was not much of a success, but if we had not gone there we may not have had the wonderful experiences that were to come.

We drove first to a Crater Lake (Nkuruba) formed in an extinct volcano, and camped in a communal village run camp site. The food was real Ugandan stuff, the lake majestical and  the lack of insects refreshing, In addition the place was full of wildlife including loads of different species of monkeys.

As we awoke next morning as Janet pulled back the rear curtains she was greeted by the sight of a huge pair of fluorescent blue testicles belonging to a  monkey playing on our back ladder.

“It’s a long time since I woke up to a sight like that” remarked Janet laconically, as I continued to mash her morning tea.

From there it was off to the Queen Elizabeth National Park .The rainy season is not the ideal time to view animals, and it was hard to spot them with the vegetation so lush and the abundance of water rendering traditional water holes less frequented, However the river trip on the Kazinga Channel gave us some fantastic photo opportunities of Hippos, Crocs, huge Nile Monitor Lizards and myriads of birds.

The evenings and nights saw the animals visiting us, and we had very close encounters with Water Buffalo, Hippos, Hyenas, Wart Hogs, Marabou Storks and literally hundreds of mongooses (the plural is not mongreese) which had no fear of us at all. 

This place must be fantastic in the dry season.

Anyway its now off to Rwanda to see the gorillas, and also to visit the Genocide Museum in Kigale which all the Africans we have spoken to say is a must in order that we remember that mans inhumanity to man is not as far away as we think.